Brandy's blog

new blog

Fri, 14 May 2004 23:50:19 GMT

So I've enjoyed this blog, but I found one that was more convinient for me, so I'm moving my blog there...

www.livejournal.com/users/chloenadine

Enjoy...hope you come over there.

Insomnia

Mon, 03 May 2004 13:09:12 GMT

I'm wide awake. I'm wide awake and it's 5 in the morning. I can't go to sleep. I'm feeling quite panicy. I'm not sure why and it's bothering me. I need to sleep there is too much to do to be tired but I can't sleep. Grrrrr...oh well I'll figgure it out.

the Christian Church: Hatred and Discrimination

Sun, 02 May 2004 00:30:42 GMT

Ok, so I'm going to go off on two things but combine them into one idea because they are both the same idea just two different parts of it.

http://tammyjo.typepad.com/amuse/2004/04/why_im_not_blog.html

I know that what I have posted on this blog to this point has been rather unimportant and silly and, at times, even incredibly stupid, but this one is important. This one deals with much of who I am and what I believe.

Th link above came from a friend's blog. I about cried while reading it. Then I got relly angry, but overall I am simply upset and dissapointed that a believer would say such a thing to someone trying their hardest to follow after God's calling in their life.

This deals with women in ministry. The man's issue was that she was a woman and was preaching. He sent her an awful e-mail about it in which he even went as far as to question whether or not she actually was a believer merely because she was a WOMAN preacher.

As many of you read this know, I want more than anything to go into ministry someday and have come up against these issues many times through dealing with close-minded fundamentalists.

I want to go into ministry because I want to help start a revolution in the church. I want to help bring the church back to Christ's actual message. Christ did not teach hate. He did not teach racism or sexism or anything of the sort. Christ taught love for our neighbors and even went as far as to say that whatever we do to the least we have done to him.

He taught that we are to show concern for our fellow human being regardless of any manner in which we may see them as being different from ourselves. This means we are to love regardless of whether they are a different race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, political affiliation (yes God loves the republicans too...something I constantly have to remind myself of), or anything else.

The message of Christ rarely spreads through such fundamentalism as is shown by so many in the church today. It is spread through love. One of my favorite hymns is "They'll know we are Christians by our Love" because it is through our love, rather than our hatered, closemindedness, and inability to accept our differentce that the true message of the gospel is spread.

Hatred and things such as sexism will never do anyone any good. If nothing else, people outside the church see it and decide they want nothing to with it and many more with in the church leave as a result of it.

You can't force or hate someone into the kingdom of God but you certainly can, through God, love them into it. Jesus's message was one of love and I think the church needs to go back and refind it's foundation in Christ and his teachings.

Frats boys and their dang beer bottles

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 19:12:30 GMT

I like to walk around barefoot. As a matter of fact, I hate shoes. If I am wearing shoes, most likely they are sandals. I hate having my feet feeling confined.

Last night I was walking back from the practice building for music students and went back behind a frat called the Farm House. They are right next to my dorm, so that's how I typically walk to go hom. Unfortunately I was in sandals and hit a broken beer bottle with my toe. It hurt like hell.

Needless to say, my toe really hurts right now and I am rather upset with them over it. GRRRR.

?

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 02:34:52 GMT

I was going to write something brilliant and creative but the thought just escaped me...Damn!

I don't know what I'm doing

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 19:01:57 GMT

...there I've said it.

I hate saying it. It hate thinking it and I especially hate knowing it, but I have no clue of what I am doing next year.

I went to my audition. It went well. I guess. Rather, it went as well as can be expected for having a cold that was mainly affecting your throat when you had to sing and act. I'm supposed to find out around the 10th if I got in or not, but I don't know if I really want to go there. Something tells me already that I would not be happy there and I know it's not just about me being happy, but that has been the main source of my floating around to this point anyways.

Before leving for the audition I had to e-mail a few teachers about it all because I was going to be missing their classes for the audition. My choir teacher e-mailed me back and said he would really just like to sit down and tlak with me about everything, so I went and talked to him this morning. He is someone I definately respect. He's a teacher that has no fear in talking about his belief in God, but he doesn't get pushy about it. He's also the choir director at the church I have gone to recently.

Regardless, during our conversation I was realizing how silly all my jumping around was and how much I wasn't really thinking of much while I was doing it. I really like U of I, I'm just afraid of getting stuck in Idaho for the rest of my life without me making an actual decision that it is where I shoudl be. I don't ever want to feel stuck or trapped in any one location.

Regardless, I have no clue what I'm thinking or where I'm heading next year. I need to make a decision and I need to make it now or very VERY soon. I just don't know how to do it. I suppose I'll figgure it all out soon enough. Prayer and time...oh but the time is something I don't want to afford.

travel

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 07:09:04 GMT

I have to travel this weekend. In fact, I have to go all the way to San Francisco. The only problem is that I need to leave Idaho on Saturday. Unfortunately I also have performances all day Saturday. I aslo have to return Monday morning (very early) to make it to my classes I don't know if that is going to happen either...this all should be interesting...I don't even have a ticket yet...

I have an audition for a school that I'm looking at attending next year. It looks like a wonderful school and I have been trying to figgure out how to get to the audition for a while...being that I am a jobless college student...but I finally found one thanks to my grandparents! YAY...now I don't have to just hope that things work out for later on.

Now, unfortunately, I have to have a 500 word essay written by Saturday morning, a monologue prepared and a song ready to sing. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I suppose I've pulled off greatter things. Lets just hope it works this time.

music

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 07:04:23 GMT

I just got done listening to two concerts (one a piano, the other a flute) with a practice session in the middle followed by a two hour practice. I feel sooo exhausted but it's one of those incredible exhaustions that only comes from music.

I mostly ran through scales on my flute tonight, though I played some Mozart too (I'm working on two of his pieces right now) and a few etudes. It was so relaxing. I love it when you get done playing and your fingers are somewhat sore from practicing and you are sooo relaxed. It's a beautiful thing. As a matter of fact, it's the reason why I got involved in music in the first place. It's such a beautiful thing!

stupidity and failure

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 23:12:34 GMT

I keep on making promises to myself and to God and I feel like I keep breaking them. I'm not sure why. Maybe I set the standard too high or maybe I'm just incredibly screwed up. Regardless I feel like crap.

I feel like I'm a failure at those sort of things. I made a promise to start living according to scripture, but I keep failing. I pray about it all the time but it seems like the second I dump myself back into the real world and let my gaurd down even a little, I fail. And maybe I shouldn't be letting my gaurd down at all, but if I don't, I'm on edge all the time, and I don't like being like that either.

I don't know what to do. I know I'm going against the bible by so many of the things I do. I hate the feeling that I'm letting Christ down, and I hate the feeling even more that I enjoy doing it. I always hate myself for all of the sins I commit afterwards (hindsight is 20/20), but while I'm doing them I'm fine with it and often have fun with it, but it's such a bad witness, and I'm not doing anything horrible, but I'm doing enough and I feel awful.

I posted Titus 2:7 on the back of my door as a reminder to myself. It says "Show yourself in all respects a model of good deeds, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity, (8)and sound speech that cannot be censured, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say of us."

Needless tosay, I seem to only remember it about half the time. It's so irritating!
Please pray for me. I need it!

stream of consciousness

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 00:55:00 GMT

I'm writing this as the thoughts come to me, so bear with me.

My little sister has gotten herself into quite a bit of trouble recently and just continues going. She put herself in a dangerous situation and then couldn't understand why my mom would be so upset about it all. As if that wasn't bad enough she has continued to say and do absolutely horrible things. I don't know I suppose we'll all figgure it out sooner or later but she really needs to get over some major issues.

On the up side, one of my very good guy friends in Atlanta was baptized this Sunday. It was very exciting to hear about. His family is Muslim and lives in New York, but he is at Emory in school and came into the campus ministry house that I used to hang out, helps and live at just to check it out and see what was going on. He stayed a few nights and asked quesitons until he had to leave to get work done and then accepted Christ a little while later. It was awesome to hear about this.

The church that I interned at last summer in Wendell, Idaho hosted their Easter service in their brand new sanctuary which is beautiful! I just saw a picture of it and thought it was incredible. I'm glad that the new building is finished it will give them more room to continue with God's work in the area. It's very exciting!

The church I used to go to in Pennsylvania when I lived there is currently going through some major stuggles and is facing the horrible possibility that the church may soon have to close it's doors.

I am getting to go to a meeting tonight to help with the youth group at the churhc I am going to which is something that definately makes me happy. I love working with middle school and high school kids!